Before I officially became one, back when I only imagined being a parent, I had all kinds of ideas about how it would go and how my kids would respond to my wonderful parenting. Then reality hit. I constantly screwed up, said the wrong things, got upset at stupid bullshit and just generally disappointed myself regularly. I looked forward to other chances and opportunities. I measured the time left until my kids moved on as adults or, much sooner, stopped listening as teenagers. That time used to seem so far away! "I have 12 years to make up for saying/doing ______" has been replaying continuously in my head during my time as a parent.
I've had a feeling since we moved back from the Philippines that time was slipping away. I grasp at it, but it's like trying to catch smoke. The 12 years to make up for everything is down to a number that I can easily count on one hand. It kills me. I try to motivate myself to be a better person and parent, but Kronos just sits by laughing as I cry about lost time.
It isn't about my time slipping by. I'm way past the amount of time that I deserved or earned on this earth, and I'm pretty OK with that. The feeling of discomfort is always about my kids' childhoods slipping by me. I started being a parent with unrealistic expectations for myself and my kids; this feeling is inevitable when you start from the wrong place. All hope is not lost. The two I have are pretty great kids, and I think I have it in me to get better at the job.
Josh Homme captured the essence of my struggle with parenting in Fortress, which he wrote with Queens of the Stone Age. Instead of imagining how everything should turn out, I began to realize that all that I could do was to provide a fortress for whenever they needed it. But just because I simplified the concept, it didn't make the job, or the feeling of failing at it, any easier.
We're trying to remodel our fortress for the baby. I have one cobbled together with tape and found materials, but it feels like I should know a lot more about fortress building by now.
Hey, Dudes! As I embark on this journey of directly communicating with you through this blog, I’m grappling with the essence of honesty. How transparent should I be? Can I dare to expose my imperfections, those not cushioned by humor or light-heartedness? Despite my efforts to conceal them, you’ll likely see that my flaws are a substantial part of me, providing more than enough unflattering material to define me if I let them. This journey into uncharted honesty is daunting, yet it feels crucial. In this pursuit of openness, I'll start with a small confession: I often worry about how much time I have left to know you both. My father passed away when he was 53, just as my youngest sister turned 16. I'm now older than he was at his passing, and you aren’t even here yet. It's a race against time for me, and if I'm blessed with longevity, I hope you'll be reading this on your own, while I’m still sharp enough to discuss it with you. If that day comes, remind me to cheri...
I didn’t build this system. I asked for it. I have wanted a world class group of advisors for every aspect of my life, and I was tired of waiting. 🧠🧠The Frustration 😤 It started like this: I was using ChatGPT regularly and getting a lot out of it — more than most people, probably. But over time, things got messy. Conversations would drift. Memory would fill up. I'd lose context, or worse, start preserving the wrong kind of context: fragments of specific details that clogged the system while the important, core parts of me — the way I think, the values that drive my decisions — got buried under domain names and test scores. It wasn’t that ChatGPT was broken. It was doing exactly what I was asking — just not what I wanted . So I stopped. And I asked it a simple question: "What if I want a team of world-class advisors who think like I do, but who each specialize in a different area of my life? What if I’m not the same person in every domain, and I want AI that re...
Delving into the creation and sharing of playlists on my YouTube Music account has become a fascinating pastime. I can't quite decide which platform offers a better experience for sharing—YouTube Music or regular YouTube—since it likely varies based on devices and personal circumstances. If you have a preference, please drop a comment and let me know! Today, Journey unexpectedly popped into my head, inspiring me to listen to their 1979 album Evolution . This led me down a nostalgic rabbit hole. Initially, I thought I might find about 30 songs that felt worthy of my Favorites list—a substantial number, indicating a treasure trove of great music. Surprisingly, by the time I was done, I ended up with 40 Journey songs that hit the mark, amounting to over two and a half hours of stellar tunes. Reflecting on another playlist attempt earlier in the week, for a band from a slightly earlier era but also in the Hall of Fame, I struggled to get past 18 songs before I landed in the realm of ...
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